Towards a Better Marriage!
Almost all known marriage starts out as a huge celebration with families and friends. Couples are usually filled with hopes and dreams of a fulfilling future life together. But truth be told, the road to a happy and fulfilling marriage is far from being easy and yet not difficult. However, unconfirmed divorce statistics in Nigeria demonstrates too well that many couples opt not to complete the journey. There’s no mincing word that there are endless list of books, articles and seminars that tries to help, yet we keep recording crashes.
The rate of marital failure or marital discomfort can be easily blamed on so many things no doubt; therefore, the suggestion here is only one out of many other suggestions that can be of benefit. For singleness of purpose, I will be concentrating on one of the pillars for building a good marriage which is communication. In order to have a successful marriage we have to make ourselves experts in communication. We have to try to understand what our partner is saying on a simple level as well as try to analyze the underlying message or desire, the motive behind the communication.
For example, when she tells her husband that she isn’t feeling well, that may be her way of saying “could you pick the children from school today dear?” or it may be her way of expressing a need for more attention from her spouse. It is important to try to focus not just on the words being said, but what may possibly be implied as well.
While the woman wants to be understood, the man equally wants to be, but it’s only possible through an effective communication. The man wants his mood got right before a communication is engaged, he believes there are differing times for different discussions, and I guess he doesn’t want very important discussions coming up when he’s watching his favourite team play! The woman on the other hand wonders what the big deal is, do I need to send a notice in writing to him notifying him of an upcoming discussion!
Perhaps the most essential quality for good communication in any relationship, and particularly in a marriage, is to be a good listener. Take a minute to ask yourself if you listen attentively when your partner speaks. Or is your mind on what to make for tonight’s dinner, tomorrow’s business meeting, or the upcoming match of your favourite team. Do you comprehend clearly what your mate is saying?
Effective communication means verbalizing needs and listening carefully. It can’t be stated often enough. We have numerous distractions in our lives today that hamper effective communication – and the list is endless from telephones (especially ones with internet facility), televisions, sports and the Internet.
If you don’t have a healthy way of expressing your thoughts and emotions to each other, of speaking and being heard, then everything else will ultimately crumble. We have to remember that marriage creates a unity, a oneness. We can use our powers of communication to solidify that unity or, God forbid, to tear it asunder.